resolutions...

i wanted to post today on the new year, where i see myself going, and how
i'm going to get there. but first i'm going to complain for a second. one
of my resolutions, always, is to be a less negative person. let things roll
off my back, focus on the positive, and stop complaining so much to other
people. it always works, too, for about 30 seconds. so now i'm thinking
that maybe if i complain on my blog (aka to the 2-3 people who occasionally
check it--thanks friends) i'll get it off my chest. call it resolution #1:
write it, don't whine it.
i moved in october into a new apartment with two friends from church. i was
excited about our new apartment, first and foremost (i get my own bathroom,
and a walk-in closet), but also about starting a new apartment with these
two friends. we had been great at communicating with each other in our
friendship, we talked about our ideas for an apartment, the place was brand
new, untouched, we could decorate and bake and throw parties and have game
nights...
right. so what i have realized during these past three months is that what
i really want is to live alone. i like having roommates, occasionally, but
it's not worth all the annoying things i don't like about having roommates.
like how the brita is not always full enough for both my morning coffee and
a cup of water. and how sometimes when i get home at 1:30 on a trash night
(after working) the dishwasher is still full of the clean dishes that i
washed in the morning, and the trash is still heaping and needing to be
taken out, even though someone has been home all night.
today is my third in a string of days off. i have to go back to work
tomorrow. i dragged myself out of bed earlier than i had the past two days
in an effort to be productive, only to find out that a roommate had called
in sick. still, i brought my magazine and book to the living room to read.
she got up, came into the living room, and proceded to start talking about
the weather, the dvd she just bought, the tv show that was on... which was
not so different from last night when i was reading and she read aloud her
catalog to me. i decided to make breakfast, headed to the kitchen, and
started sauteeing mushrooms. shortly, she came into our tiny kitchen to
start making her breakfast. we're doing the dance, moving back and forth
every couple of seconds to avoid crashing into each other with hot plates,
when i'm plating my breakfast and she reaches directly across from me to use
the microwave. i step back, saying "ok, no problem, i'll wait." at which
point she (and this was the moment i decided to write a blog post about it)
stops what she is doing and starts picking lint off her sweatshirt. she is
blocking half of my bagel and sauteed mushrooms to pick the lint off her
sweatshirt.
ok, so maybe so far this post seems cruel, out of character, out of line,
and against everything that i believe about blogging. keep in mind, though,
that she has no idea i have a blog. what it mostly represents is what i
said at the top. i no longer like living with roommates. all of the little
nuances wouldn't annoy me if i wanted to share space with a roommate, but as
it turns out, i don't. so for now, i might complain to my blog every once
in a while, just to spare my friends the boredom of hearing yet another "and
then she did..." story.
on to new years. i am currently brainstorming how i can make my current
schedule work in the way it is supposed to. that is, i only work 3 days a
week. but my job is so crazy, so busy, so unbelievably exhausting that i
usually need a day to recover after working a couple of days in a row. by
the time i have taken that day, the next day i usually sleep in too. then i
get some stuff done on the third day, and it's back to work again. i feel
like all i do is work, sleep, and sit catatonically watching tv or reading.
but i have plans, ideas, to do lists. i have a gym membership, groceries to
buy, and above that, i want to pursue something. i want to have a passion
outside my job--one of the millions of things i have always talked about
learning. i think if i have scheduled things on my days off, it might get
me out of bed sooner and maybe set the tone for the day. unfortunately,
before i can drop money on anything significant, i have to get my debt under
control. in order, that means paying off my mom, my bed, credit card #1,
and credit card #3. student loans i can deal with. i'm hoping my tax
return this year helps. for now, i'm going to go to the grocery store--one
of the perks of my roommate being home is it helps me motivate to leave the
house.