When it rains...

I was going to write a post about my brother's wedding to offset yesterday's
"everything is really stressful right now and I am freaking out" moment.
Here's the short version: it was beautiful, they were beautiful, the food
was great, and we all had a great time.
There. Now, on to more things I absolutely don't need right now: our
landlord is selling our apartment. Which means we have to vacate by
September 30th. Which seems like enough time, except that I have barely
enough money to make it through August, and I certainly don't have moving
and/or start-up expenses (broker, deposit, etc) for a new place. Not even
close. I am so screwed. I'm trying really hard to study for the NCLEX
today, be productive (only 1 hour of TV today so far, and I was eating lunch
at the time), but now all I want to do is crash in front of a "Law and
Order" marathon. I have no idea what I am going to do...
Outside, it is about to storm again--lots of thunder. Seems appropriate.

Freak Out

I am having some kind of freak out. A lot has been going on lately, and I
can't tell if it is come to a head, has come to a head, or if this is just
the way life goes, but it feels overwhelmingly stressful right now. As I
mentioned once before, my stress response seems to be catatonia. So,
instead of being productive today, I watched: 2 episodes of "Gilmore Girls,"
one and a half episodes of "Project Runway," an episode of "Without a
Trace," one "So You Think You Can Dance," four "Sex and the City"'s, one of
that new show about a gym in LA (to be fair, the owner is a cute lesbian),
and one about reality show secrets (this one while at the gym). The only
two things I did that were on my checklist were going to the gym and making
a stirfry. Actually, writing out all of the TV that I watched makes me feel
pretty pathetic (that's 9.5 hours of TV--gross). So that's a good thing.
Either way, it's too bad I have the licensing exam coming up in a week,
because that's a lot of time wasting for someone who should be studying.
This is probably the biggest test I've had to take in my life so far--if I
fail, I can't work. Part of my problem is I that took a practice exam, and
I was told that if I scored over 70% I was ready to test. I got an 83%.
Still, I don't think I should be resting this easy.

One of the other stressors is my current job situation. Or lack of job
situation. I was hired in May to work in the Emergency Department at one of
the city hospitals, and everything since then has been a nightmare. They
have been giving out wrong information left and right, and it took two
months for them to even call us into HR. So now I am job searching again.
It would be better if I wasn't running out of money. I just looked at my
horoscope for July, and I had to stop reading because it was all about
wonderful career things that were supposed to be happening. Clearly,
they're not.

Since I am not good at compartmentalizing, anything else that could freak me
out right now that I might normally be able to handle is a little bit
pushing me over the edge. Or a lot. The one good thing about all the TV
today is that the show about the gym is actually really motivating. So
that's something...